After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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