I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have demons in me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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