he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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