Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
