We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
