You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
