Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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