It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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