why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
PS: I just woke up from my shower
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
