By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
