she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
