I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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