Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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