Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
