Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
