Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
