apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
