I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
