you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
