Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
