You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
