there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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