just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize