I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
