I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
