I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
