I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
