its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
