And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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