I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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