I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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