I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
