She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
