Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
