The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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