i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
