Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
