do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
