i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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