you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize