i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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