You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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