Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
