She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize