How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize