So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
