last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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