apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
