Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
