omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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