Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
