So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
