she was so not down for the gang bang
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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