My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
