Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
