white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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