You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
