I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize