bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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