I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
