Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
