i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
