You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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