What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
